{"id":439,"date":"2015-12-14T11:21:17","date_gmt":"2015-12-14T17:21:17","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.unk.com\/blog\/?p=439"},"modified":"2024-04-05T05:13:24","modified_gmt":"2024-04-05T11:13:24","slug":"solution-focused-therapy-techniques-exception-question","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.unk.com\/blog\/solution-focused-therapy-techniques-exception-question\/","title":{"rendered":"3 Ways to Ask Exception Questions in Therapy"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>&#8220;I just can&#8217;t <a href=\"\/blog\/things-to-say-that-motivate-smokers-to-quit\/\">stop smoking<\/a>, Mark! I&#8217;ve tried everything, but I&#8217;ve <em>always<\/em> got a cigarette in my hand.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>Jeremy and his partner were trying to start a family, so he had every reason to quit, but was finding it difficult. So he&#8217;d sought me out.<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;Tell me,&#8221; I said casually, &#8220;do you smoke when you&#8217;re asleep?&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>Looking utterly confused, Jeremy blinked a few times before sputtering, &#8220;No, of course not!&#8221;<\/p>\n<h3>Prefer to watch instead?<\/h3>\n<div class=\"video-container\"><iframe loading=\"lazy\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/aaAnMoW8EaQ?si=M3W9usnKDWh4xHC4&amp;rel=0\" title=\"Watch 3 Ways to Ask Exception Questions in Therapy\" frameborder=\"0\"><\/iframe><\/div>\n<h3>An exception to every rule<\/h3>\n<p>Emotional and psychological problems demand our attention, energy, and focus.<\/p>\n<p>But to overcome any problem, we ultimately need to direct our attention to identifying and nurturing the capacity we all have to <em>not have the problem<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p>In most cases, there was a time before the problem started. Jeremy certainly didn&#8217;t come out of the womb smoking! But there are also <em>current<\/em> times when the problem takes a day or even an hour off.<\/p>\n\n<p>So, being a solution-focused kind of a therapist, as well as asking about the problem I ask clients to tell me in detail about the exceptions &#8211; the times they <em>don&#8217;t<\/em> experience the problematic behaviour or feeling. The information they provide starts to form the basis of their escape route.<\/p>\n<h3>When the problem isn&#8217;t a problem<\/h3>\n<p>In addition to not being a sleep-smoker, Jeremy told me he didn&#8217;t feel the need to smoke:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>On long-haul flights<\/li>\n<li>When visiting a sick friend in the hospital<\/li>\n<li>Around his friends&#8217; young children<\/li>\n<li>When swimming every other day in his local pool.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Although he&#8217;d come into my office thinking of himself as a <a href=\"http:\/\/www.unk.com\/blog\/how-to-help-smokers-escape-their-doomed-romance-with-cigarettes\/\">&#8216;compulsive smoker&#8217;<\/a>, we now had four exception times when the behaviour <em>wasn&#8217;t<\/em> compulsive at all.<\/p>\n<p>When I used hypnosis with him, I would talk about &#8220;getting that swimming pool feeling&#8221; during the times Jeremy would normally feel triggered to smoke &#8211; just before work, with a coffee, after a stressful work-frenzy, and so on. It&#8217;s not that he didn&#8217;t know <em>how<\/em> to feel calm without cigarettes, it&#8217;s just that he hadn&#8217;t been using that resource where he <em>could<\/em> be using it.<\/p>\n<p>Hypnosis is the perfect vehicle for spreading a resourceful state from where it already exists to other situations in which it will be massively beneficial because your client can <a href=\"http:\/\/www.unk.com\/blog\/category\/hypnotherapy\/\">hypnotically<\/a> practice using that resource automatically and naturally in whenever it&#8217;s needed.<\/p>\n<p>But you first need to <em>identify<\/em> these resourceful states by asking the right solution focused questions.<\/p>\n[Note: If you&#8217;re interested in how to help clients stop smoking, <a href=\"http:\/\/www.unk.com\/blog\/how-to-stop-anyone-smoking-course\/\">we have a course on that here<\/a>.]\n<h2>Here are 3 ways to ask exception questions:<\/h2>\n<h3>1. Ask about times when the problem pattern doesn&#8217;t happen<\/h3>\n<p><em>What times can you tell me about when you expected to feel embarrassed, but for some reason you just didn&#8217;t? Really think about this&#8230;<\/em><\/p>\n<p>You can ask your client about times they <em>expected<\/em> to feel angry or sad, to blush, or to feel terrified when flying, but the feeling just didn&#8217;t show up for some reason &#8211; or not to the degree they were expecting.<\/p>\n<p>Diane, who was terrified of the presentation she had to give at work soon, remembered speaking comfortably and without a blush in front of her best friend&#8217;s 200-guest wedding.<\/p>\n<p>So, I asked, when did she <em>notice<\/em> that she just wasn&#8217;t nervous or embarrassed?<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;About halfway through my toast, I realized everyone was laughing. Not at me, as I&#8217;d dreaded,&#8221; she said with a chuckle, &#8220;but at a joke about our childhood I hadn&#8217;t planned to make. It wasn&#8217;t even on the cards I was clutching behind the microphone!&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>People don&#8217;t have <em>exactly<\/em> the same experience every time, so we can look for the times when it&#8217;s <em>naturally<\/em> been better.<\/p>\n<div class='essb-ctt essb-ctt-modern' onclick=\"window.open('https:\/\/twitter.com\/intent\/tweet?text=People+don%27t+always+have+exactly+the+same+experience%2C+so+we+can+look+for+the+exceptions+when+it%27s+naturally+better.&amp;via=marktyrell&amp;related=marktyrell&amp;url=https:\/\/www.unk.com\/blog\/solution-focused-therapy-techniques-exception-question\/', 'essb_share_window', 'height=300,width=500,resizable=1,scrollbars=yes');\">\r\n    \t\t\t<span class='essb-ctt-quote'>\r\n    \t\t\tPeople don't always have exactly the same experience, so we can look for the exceptions when it's naturally better.\r\n    \t\t\t<\/span>\r\n    \t\t\t<span class='essb-ctt-button'><span>Click to Tweet<\/span><i class='essb_svg_icon_twitter'><svg class=\"essb-svg-icon\" aria-hidden=\"true\" role=\"img\" focusable=\"false\" width=\"32\" height=\"32\" viewBox=\"0 0 32 32\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\"><path d=\"M28.75 9.5c0 0.25 0 0.563 0 0.813 0 8.688-6.625 18.688-18.688 18.688-3.688 0-7.188-1.063-10.063-2.938 0.5 0.063 1.063 0.063 1.563 0.063 3.063 0 5.938-1 8.188-2.813-2.875 0-5.313-1.938-6.188-4.563 0.438 0.125 0.813 0.125 1.25 0.125 0.625 0 1.188-0.063 1.75-0.188-3-0.625-5.25-3.313-5.25-6.438 0-0.063 0-0.063 0-0.125 0.875 0.5 1.875 0.813 2.938 0.813-1.75-1.125-2.938-3.188-2.938-5.438 0-1.188 0.375-2.313 0.938-3.313 3.188 4 8.063 6.625 13.5 6.875-0.125-0.5-0.188-1-0.188-1.5 0-3.625 2.938-6.563 6.563-6.563 1.938 0 3.625 0.813 4.813 2.063 1.5-0.313 2.938-0.813 4.188-1.563-0.5 1.5-1.563 2.813-2.875 3.625 1.313-0.188 2.563-0.5 3.75-1.063-0.875 1.313-2 2.5-3.25 3.438z\"><\/path><\/svg><\/i>\r\n    \t\t<\/div>\n<h3>2. Ask what was different<\/h3>\n<p>We can then ask:<\/p>\n<p><em>What exactly was different about that time?<\/em><\/p>\n<p>or even:<\/p>\n<p><em>How did you do that? What were you doing differently that time?<\/em><\/p>\n<p>This helps to locate client resources as early as possible. And by asking how <em>they<\/em> did that, you imply that the improvement was <a href=\"http:\/\/www.unk.com\/blog\/3-ways-to-communicate-client-responsibility\/\">due to their own actions<\/a> and help them take credit for the good times.<\/p>\n<p>In Diane&#8217;s case, she thought about it and said she&#8217;d been so nervous beforehand, she&#8217;d &#8220;over-practiced&#8221; for days. She also said it was important to her not to let her friend down on that special day and that she&#8217;d wanted the whole crowd to see the couple as she did.<\/p>\n<p>Later in the session, we talked about the importance of preparation and ways she could communicate her passion for the topic of her upcoming presentation.<\/p>\n<p>But first, I assumed that she not only could but <em>would<\/em> do that&#8230;<\/p>\n<h3>3. Use presuppositions to help pinpoint resourceful exceptions<\/h3>\n<p>When you enquire about exceptions, it&#8217;s great to use presuppositions.<\/p>\n<p>A &#8216;presupposition&#8217; is a masterful way of communicating because it precludes doubt by assuming an occurrence can be &#8216;taken for granted&#8217;. It&#8217;s a language construct that&#8217;s phrased to indicate that something will, is extremely likely to, or <em>already has<\/em> occurred.<\/p>\n<p>For example, <em>&#8220;When do you feel calmer?&#8221;<\/em> presupposes that there <em>are<\/em> times when they feel calmer, as well as presupposing a positive identification of such times.<\/p>\n<p>In contrast, <em>&#8220;Are there ever any times when you feel calmer?&#8221;<\/em> concedes that there <em>may not<\/em> be such times and readily allows for a negative response.<\/p>\n<p>More examples of presuppositions to glean those precious exemption times include:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><em>Where are you when you find yourself feeling less <a href=\"http:\/\/www.unk.com\/blog\/category\/depression-2\/\">depressed<\/a>?<\/em><\/li>\n<li><em>What occasions have you noticed when you expected to feel shy but you actually had a really good time?<\/em><\/li>\n<li><em>In what situations would you be least likely to feel like bingeing?<\/em><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h3>Splashing the calm around<\/h3>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.unk.com\/blog\/what-you-can-learn-from-milton-erickson-therapy-techniques\/\">Dr Milton Erickson<\/a> believed that &#8220;therapy should always be designed to fit the client, not the client to fit the therapy.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>Jeremy called me up just after the birth of his first child. &#8220;It&#8217;s funny, Mark, but I never feel the need to smoke anymore. Sometimes I do think about it when I feel a bit stressed, but then I almost hear a splash in my ears and I&#8217;m right back to that calm of being underwater after diving into the pool.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>You and I may know all the psychological theory and practice under the sun, but I think we do well to remember that &#8211; ultimately &#8211; our clients will find the cure from within.<\/p>\n<h2>To learn more about using language to break clients out of strongly-held beliefs, <a href=\"http:\/\/www.unk.com\/blog\/conversational-reframing-course\/\">join me on my Conversational Reframing course<\/a>.<\/h2>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>How solution focused questions helped Jeremy use swimming to wash smoking out of his life forever. And help your clients learn not to have their problem.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":12398,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_mi_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"episode_type":"","audio_file":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"","filesize":"","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":"","itunes_episode_number":"","itunes_title":"","itunes_season_number":"","itunes_episode_type":"","filesize_raw":""},"categories":[8],"tags":[81,26,76,27,46,135,29],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v19.6 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>The Exception Question: 3 Solution Focused Tips<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"How solution focused questions helped Jeremy use swimming to wash smoking out of his life forever. And help your clients let go of their problems.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.unk.com\/blog\/solution-focused-therapy-techniques-exception-question\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"The Exception Question: 3 Solution Focused Tips\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"How solution focused questions helped Jeremy use swimming to wash smoking out of his life forever. 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