{"id":420,"date":"2015-04-26T23:43:02","date_gmt":"2015-04-27T05:43:02","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.unk.com\/blog\/?p=420"},"modified":"2024-04-12T05:07:15","modified_gmt":"2024-04-12T11:07:15","slug":"therapy-approaches-get-client-to-listen","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.unk.com\/blog\/therapy-approaches-get-client-to-listen\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Open Your Client&#8217;s Mind for Change"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><i>&#8220;Can you keep a secret? This has got to stay between us because it&#8217;s pretty wild&#8230; but you won&#8217;t BELIEVE what I found out about Shirley in Accounts!&#8221;<\/i><\/p>\n<p>I don&#8217;t like to think of myself as a gossip, but I must admit that when I heard the woman next to me on the train say that to her colleague, my attention leapt from the sensible book I had been reading and to their conversation.<\/p>\n<p>Very quickly, I got wrapped up in the adventures the free-spirited Shirley had allegedly enjoyed\u00a0that weekend.<\/p>\n<p>My instant, almost unconscious, shift in focus got me thinking about the power of attention and a workshop I ran many years ago&#8230;<\/p>\n<h3>Prefer to watch instead?<\/h3>\n<div class=\"video-container\"><iframe loading=\"lazy\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/jKCRLNGnZMs?si=M3W9usnKDWh4xHC4&amp;rel=0\" title=\"Watch How to Open Your Client\u2019s Mind for Change\" frameborder=\"0\"><\/iframe><\/div>\n<h3>Bouncing peas off balloons<\/h3>\n<p>When we\u00a0trained therapy students face-to-face, we used to run a curious exercise.<\/p>\n<p>We gave one set of bemused students inflated balloons and another set dried peas. The second group were then asked to throw their peas at the balloons. Eventually&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;Aha! The peas are just bouncing off!&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>Rather than just <i>telling<\/i> the students that <a href=\"http:\/\/www.unk.com\/blog\/3-things-i-always-do-when-reframing\/\">suggestions and reframes<\/a> can &#8216;bounce off&#8217; the mind of a client who&#8217;s not truly receptive, it was far more effective to have them demonstrate it to themselves.<\/p>\n<p>So how can we therapists increase the chance that the pea will stick and not bounce off?<br \/>\n\n<h3>You&#8217;re not going to believe this!<\/h3>\n<p>Well, there are many ways to get people to open themselves wide to new learning.<\/p>\n<p>One way is to mimic how this normally happens in everyday life, outside the therapy room.<\/p>\n<p>Think about it. What makes you <i>really listen<\/i> to what&#8217;s coming next?<\/p>\n<p>I found myself almost going into trance just listening to two strangers gossip on the train, because I had (over)heard that the story coming was so wild it had to be kept secret.<\/p>\n<p>So, how do you feel if someone says:<\/p>\n<p><i>Look&#8230; I really don&#8217;t know how to tell you this&#8230; promise you won&#8217;t be angry?<\/i><\/p>\n<p>Pretty intrigued, I imagine! There&#8217;s no way you&#8217;re going to leave without hearing the whole story.<\/p>\n<p>Or how about:<\/p>\n<p><i>Err&#8230; I&#8217;m not supposed to tell you this, but&#8230;<\/i><\/p>\n<p><i>Would you mind if I share something with you? No one else knows&#8230; you won&#8217;t tell anyone, will you&#8230; ?<\/i><\/p>\n<p><i>Can I ask you a personal question?<\/i><\/p>\n<p>Of course, if someone talks like this all the time, it won&#8217;t have the same impact.<\/p>\n<p><b>But, generally, this kind of attention-grabbing opening gambit is pretty compelling, leaving us feeling or saying, &#8220;What? What?!&#8221;<\/b><\/p>\n<p>Openers like this create a readiness to listen very closely indeed and can work like mini <a href=\"http:\/\/www.unk.com\/blog\/hypnosis-inductions\/\">hypnotic inductions<\/a> in that they switch us directly into &#8216;receive mode&#8217;. And hypnosis is a powerful way of opening people to learning, which is why we use it.<\/p>\n<h2>Now, how do we use this idea in the therapy room to get our clients to pay attention?<\/h2>\n<h3>Gossip therapy? Really?!<\/h3>\n<p>Of course, I&#8217;m not suggesting you gossip with your clients just to get their attention.<\/p>\n<p>But if you have an idea or suggestion you feel is really important for your client to hear (and <i>truly<\/i> hear), then you can preface it with statements just as compelling as those above.<\/p>\n<p><b>Three examples of attention-grabbing language techniques:<\/b><\/p>\n<ol>\n<li><i>I have been thinking long and hard about your situation. I don&#8217;t know how you&#8217;re going to respond to this, but I&#8217;ve decided to tell you something&#8230;<\/i> (leading in to your therapeutic idea or suggestion)<\/li>\n<li><i>Listen, can I ask you a question?<\/i> (of course, you just did, but prefacing your real question with a request for permission tends to stop the person in their tracks and get them wondering what can possibly be coming next)<\/li>\n<li><i>This might seem a little personal&#8230; and I really don&#8217;t want to be intrusive&#8230; but&#8230;<\/i> (what you come out with doesn&#8217;t have to be particularly personal, but you have now set them up to really listen to what you have to say next)<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<p>Therapeutic communication is not a separate world far from everyday, natural interaction.<\/p>\n<div class='essb-ctt essb-ctt-modern' onclick=\"window.open('https:\/\/twitter.com\/intent\/tweet?text=Therapeutic+communication+is+not+a+separate+world+far+from+everyday%2C+natural+interaction.&amp;via=marktyrell&amp;related=marktyrell&amp;url=https:\/\/www.unk.com\/blog\/therapy-approaches-get-client-to-listen\/', 'essb_share_window', 'height=300,width=500,resizable=1,scrollbars=yes');\">\r\n    \t\t\t<span class='essb-ctt-quote'>\r\n    \t\t\tTherapeutic communication is not a separate world far from everyday, natural interaction.\r\n    \t\t\t<\/span>\r\n    \t\t\t<span class='essb-ctt-button'><span>Click to Tweet<\/span><i class='essb_svg_icon_twitter'><svg class=\"essb-svg-icon\" aria-hidden=\"true\" role=\"img\" focusable=\"false\" width=\"32\" height=\"32\" viewbox=\"0 0 32 32\" xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\"><path d=\"M28.75 9.5c0 0.25 0 0.563 0 0.813 0 8.688-6.625 18.688-18.688 18.688-3.688 0-7.188-1.063-10.063-2.938 0.5 0.063 1.063 0.063 1.563 0.063 3.063 0 5.938-1 8.188-2.813-2.875 0-5.313-1.938-6.188-4.563 0.438 0.125 0.813 0.125 1.25 0.125 0.625 0 1.188-0.063 1.75-0.188-3-0.625-5.25-3.313-5.25-6.438 0-0.063 0-0.063 0-0.125 0.875 0.5 1.875 0.813 2.938 0.813-1.75-1.125-2.938-3.188-2.938-5.438 0-1.188 0.375-2.313 0.938-3.313 3.188 4 8.063 6.625 13.5 6.875-0.125-0.5-0.188-1-0.188-1.5 0-3.625 2.938-6.563 6.563-6.563 1.938 0 3.625 0.813 4.813 2.063 1.5-0.313 2.938-0.813 4.188-1.563-0.5 1.5-1.563 2.813-2.875 3.625 1.313-0.188 2.563-0.5 3.75-1.063-0.875 1.313-2 2.5-3.25 3.438z\"><\/path><\/svg><\/i>\r\n    \t\t<\/div>\n<p>We can learn to use the patterns of compelling communication strategies from everyday life and harness them to make a difference to our clients.<\/p>\n<p>At least, that&#8217;s how I justify it when I catch myself shamelessly eavesdropping!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>How to use gossip (yes really) to help your therapy client.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":5703,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"episode_type":"","audio_file":"","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"","filesize":"","filesize_raw":"","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":"","itunes_episode_number":"","itunes_title":"","itunes_season_number":"","itunes_episode_type":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[10],"tags":[32,55,27,46],"class_list":["post-420","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-dealing-with-difficult-clients","tag-difficult-clients","tag-persuasion","tag-psychotherapy-techniques-2","tag-reframing"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v28.1 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>How to Open Your 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I've been a psychotherapist trainer since 1998, specializing in brief, solution focused approaches. I now teach practitioners all over the world via our online courses.","sameAs":["http:\/\/www.unk.com\/blog\/","https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/UncommonPractitioners","https:\/\/x.com\/marktyrrell"]}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.unk.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/420","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.unk.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.unk.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.unk.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.unk.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=420"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/www.unk.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/420\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":21521,"href":"https:\/\/www.unk.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/420\/revisions\/21521"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.unk.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/5703"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.unk.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=420"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.unk.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=420"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.unk.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=420"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}